If I never knew you
by MoonlightWonderer
Summary: Watson if suffereing in silence. Can holmes notice before its to late? rating to be safe.


**If I never knew you.**

**A/N: Ok this was basically a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone, and reveals the human side I like to believe Holmes has but keeps buried deep inside. It also show that even Watson cant be strong all the time. I am sorry id my dates are mixed up but if u send me the right one I will change it. **

**Holmes PoV**

"Mrs Hudson. Why have you set out breakfast for one? Isn't doctor Watson joining me?"

I was confused when I noticed Mrs Hudson had only laid out breakfast before me and not set out a place for Watson.

"Doctor Watson left earlier this morning. Said something about having business to deal with." then she left.

I felt slightly strange. Watson hadn't told me of any business he had to do early in the morning and I knew of no telegram or letter that could pull him away at that early hour of the morning. At the moment the fount door opened and shut and the familiar tread of my companion made its way slowly up the stairs.

"Ah Watson I shall call Mrs Hudson for some breakfast for you.." I said as he stepped though the door, but he stopped me before I could call.

"Don't bother Holmes. I'm not hungry." And he vanished into his room.

I sat in silence for a few seconds. It was unlike my friend to refuse a meal. But at that moment a telegram arrived and I put the matter out of my mind.

I didn't see my companion all day, and admit I was slightly uneasy when I overheard a conversation coming out of his room.

"Doctor. You know as well as I do, she wouldn't have wanted you to go on like this. You cant keep doing this to yourself. Your going to get hurt."

"Blast it women. Leave me alone. I will do as I wish."

I was shocked I had never heard Watson speak to anyone like that, and to a female as well. What was going on.

I tried to stop and ask Mrs Hudson as she hurried past me out the room, but she didn't hear me over her tears.

I went to bed that night uneasy in my mind.

It was just gone 1 in the morning when I entered the sitting room, intent on retrieving my 7% solution while Watson was asleep. I opened the draw silently only to stop in shock when I realised it was missing. I desperately tried to remember if I had put it somewhere else after using it last, but my perfect memory could recall in fantastic clarity, of putting it in this very draw.

Asking Watson about it would be impossible, the hurt in his eyes would be to much to bare. And Mrs Hudson wouldn't tell me were it was even if she did know.

I returned to my room, my mind still trying to figure out were it was, I never noticed a black shadow creeping back into the sitting room and placing something into the draw.

When I checked the next morning I was shocked to see it sitting there, quiet innocent, as if it had never been gone, and I was forced to wonder if I had imagined the whole thing the night before or dreamt it.

I only saw Watson once that day, but despite my attempts of talking to him, he just walked past into his room, steps slow and sluggish, face drawn.

It was once again past midnight when I sneaked into the sitting room for my cocaine. But it was gone. Again. I decided to wait up and see if it was returned. Hours passed but nothing happened. Soon it was morning and Mrs Hudson came in with breakfast. Once again for me alone.

"Is doctor Watson not Joining me?" I asked already guessing the answer.

"No. He has asked to be left alone today. And I will honour his wishes."

She turned to leave but I decided I had to ask.

"Mrs Hudson, have you removed anything from my desk?" I asked looking at her carefully to prevent her lying.

"If you mean your cocaine, then no I haven't." seemed to put a lot of emesis on the 'I' but before I could ask her what she was implying she had left the room.

It was around 2 hours later when I heard voices in Watson's room again, and against my moral judgment, I crept to the door to listen in.

"Mary wouldn't want you to keep this up Doctor."

"How could you know what she would want? She died 3 years ago. And I couldn't save her."

"You cant save everyone Doctor."

"I know. But she will never forgive me. She was my wife I was meant to save her."

"Go to her grave today. it's the anniversary of her death. Take her some roses to show her you haven't forgotten her."

"I might just do that. Thank you Mrs Hudson."

"Also Mr Holmes is asking questions. I suggest you stop using that stuff before he puts 2 and 2 together and work out what's going on."

I heard a door close softly and I knew Watson was alone in his room once more.

I sat in my chair my head on my hands silently cursing myself.

How could I be so ignorant of my closest, well only, friends pain. He was morning the loss of his wife and by the look of it using my cocaine to do it with.

Ill never know how long I sat there, turning over plan after plan, to help me friend, before finally getting up and striding towards his bedroom door. I knocked swiftly and entered when told to.

It was time to fix my best friend.


End file.
